Miscarriage from a fathers point of view

5 Feb

As we start a new year, I look back at 2012 and think about all the things that have happened in my life, its been a year of mixed emotions. I’ve been blessed beyond belief with a beautiful daughter and a wife who loves me to pieces and I’m fortunate to be surrounded by an amazing family and some great friends but on the flip side, I’ve had to deal with some serious lows.

If you read Heathers blog, you will remember that we had some very sad news last year, we had to deal with a miscarriage, to say it was hard would be an understatement, I really hope no one ever has to go through it and I pray for anyone that has, sadly for us it it didn’t end at just the one.

Heather fell pregnant again in early October and once again we were so excited, I put all the past hurts from the previous miscarriage behind me and truly thought that this time it would be different, I was so excited to announce the news to everyone but sadly it wasn’t to be.
Heather started bleeding at 10 weeks and was rushed to hospital, once there, they checked her over and told us to come back 2 days later for a scan, those 2 days were the longest of our lives, I tried to keep everything together and have a positive exterior but inside I was scared.

We returned to the hospital where it was confirmed that our little baby had no heartbeat, we both broke down in tears yet I knew I had to be strong for Heather, she needed me to be there for her and as a man, it’s my duty to take care of the woman in my life and give her the support and care she needs. The next week was a difficult period, if the baby didn’t pass then Heather would have to undergo surgery to have it removed, we didn’t know what option would be worse, but the choice was made for us and unfortunately Heather had to give birth to the featus at home.

As much as I was hurting, I guess it will never compare to that of a mother, which is completely understandable, but I learnt to grieve in my own way and had my sad days too, I felt robbed.
Some things we will never know the answer too, we will never know the reason why or how things happen, I guess it’s just one of lifes mysteries. Like everyone else I was entitled to have a down day, a time to grieve, reflect and gather my thoughts and in those days, we chose as a family to stay united, stay strong for one another and look at the positives we have in our lives, it made us even more grateful for each other and for Eivissa and the bad news only spurred us on to make the most of this precious life. We know that one day our dream of a second child WILL become a reality, if we based our lives on what the world tells us then by rights Eivissa would never be here at all, but she is and soon enough she will have a little brother or sister of her own.

When writing these words, our aim isn’t to put fear or doubt into the minds of expectant parents, it’s to hopefully offer an insight into how life can be if you embrace your sadness and make them positive, we’ve all had our share of heartache and I hope you can find the joy that life has in abundance to offer, if only you choose to seek it. There’s a very well know quote that goes, ‘life’s a series of thousands of tiny little miracles’, which is so apt for us, be thankful for the ordinary, for the things that we daily take for granted and in doing so our lives will become fulfilled.

It really means so much to Heather and I that you read this blog and give such great feedback, the amount of emails we received over this last year has been overwhelming, We just wish we could meet every single one of you in person and say thank you for your encouragement. The power of words can never be underestimated, it’s something we can take for granted, to tell someone they are loved, that they can do something is often just what the person needs to hear, so if you think it, then say it.

Family fun in the snow. Appreciating the blessings we have!

Baby Friday. click here to view our latest kids collection

Saying Goodbye. click here for info on the charity we support

9 Responses to “Miscarriage from a fathers point of view”

  1. kelly1814 February 6, 2013 at 7:23 am #

    This is one the most moving things I have ever read. Your blog is wonderful and this was amazing post. I am sure it was very hard to write. I just know that you will be blessed with another child. Good luck and sending love and positivity xx

    Kelly Harvarde +971 50 248 9971

    Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2013 18:55:02 +0000 To: kellyharvarde@hotmail.com

  2. patricia edwards February 6, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

    You are an amazing couple & a blessing to so many. Thank you for sharing your . praying for you love Trish & John x x x

  3. lauren February 6, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    This story has moved me but its amazing how you both carried on and are so positive.
    Best of luck in the future!

  4. Lyn February 20, 2013 at 9:16 am #

    I began following Heather after discovering you’d lost your second baby at twelve weeks. My situation is like yours in that I lost my first at twelve weeks, then miscarried my second at home. I’m now 30 weeks into my third pregnancy and I still live in fear. The pain never goes away, but it does shape you and makes you stronger. These have been the hardest two years of my life, and I’m grateful that my experiences have led to me finding people like the two of you who understand.

  5. Isaac February 22, 2013 at 12:26 am #

    Man so proud of you danny, i’d be in bits!

  6. blondie March 8, 2013 at 9:20 pm #

    Pregnancy loss is terrible…there’s just no other way to put it. I’ve been in those shoes a handful of times. I’ve never had a pregnancy that I could fully enjoy because I was scared of losing my baby, yet again. My first pgcy was twins, but one was lost early on…my heart broke. After our daughter (our no-longer-twin) entered the world, it took nearly 5 years to beat secondary infertility (and a few very early losses) to bring our son into the world. I didn’t rest easy until he was in my arms! When he was 10 months old, we discovered I was pregnant…or had been…after severe pains caused me to pass out (4 times) on our bathroom floor. Then came the ‘shoulder tip pain’, a clear sign of internal bleeding…..an ectopic rupture. Not only did I lose another baby (as unplanned as that one was, we would’ve been more than open to him/her entering our lives!), I lost myself. I’m definitely not the same person I was before that happened. I’m absolutely terrified of becoming pregnant again, no matter what my ticking clock tells me…I cannot go through that again.

  7. Fritha Washington March 9, 2013 at 7:48 am #

    This is beautiful, and so valuable to read a dad’s journey through such hard things. Thank you.

  8. Beth March 25, 2013 at 8:38 pm #

    Hi Danny & heather so sorry to hear the devastating news you suffered a second miscarriage . I unfortunately know too well what heart break this is as 2010-2011 I suffered 3 early miscarriages which was devastating for me and my husband who desperately wanted n longed for a baby. It’s just the worse thing a woman can go through n terrible for husband too . Though there is a happy evdubg to our story our miracle baby boy was born at Christmas time he is a true miracle we have never been happier and still can’t believe he’s here! We are truly blessed.

  9. Sarah March 26, 2013 at 9:05 pm #

    You might find it helpful to look at the work the Miscarriage Association are doing.

    Its a very honest piece and that’s great as it helps people to understand. Everyone manages their experience differently. Having been through a similar experience at home with my first loss I understand fully how physically and emotionally consuming it is. It was the lowest point but also I felt an odd sense of relief because finally after all the waiting around between scans and appointments I had an answer. I could then start to process it all.

    Hope that makes sense

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