Am I a good father?

8 May

As you all know, I am Eivissas father and this is a title I don’t take lightly.

The second I found out I was going to be a dad, my attitude and feelings have taken a huge shift, the weight of responsibility and protection not only for my wife but my unborn child was so strong, I felt as though my role as the man in the family had just become even more important and that the destiny and future of my new family was the new agenda in my mind.

January 2011 was when we found out we were expecting, I’ll never forget the moment it happened, Heather didn’t ‘feel’ right and deep down I think she knew, but me being me choose to ignore the symptoms and rely on the pregnancy test, I waited outside the toilet at work, nervous and if I’m honest sick to the stomach, my mind was racing and my heart was pounding, desperate for Heath to reappear with the news.

As she exited the toilet, I knew instantly, I burst into tears, something I have never been ashamed of, the news that I’m to become a father was one of the fondest moments of last year, the tears I shed were filled with joy and happiness.

I don’t know if anyone else has felt this but after the elation I had just encountered there came a huge low, I suddenly felt scared, fearful, anxious and nervous, I put this down to the fact that I was entering the unknown, stepping into a realm that I don’t know the first thing about, I thought more about this and came to this conclusion, throughout my life I have always felt that I can control my environment by the choices that ‘I’ make, I’m in charge of my actions and thoughts and these are solely my responsibility, these changed as no longer am I in control of our new circumstance, don’t get me wrong, I will do everything in my power to support, protect and provide for my family but this is the first instance in my whole life that I felt as though I couldn’t really do anything, after all it was Heather that was going to be carrying our baby for 9 months and all the things that come with pregnancy were left for Heather to deal with.
The only thing I could do was support and love on my wife each and every step of the way, this was my way of helping and I think any man should do the same, especially in a womens most vulnerable time of life, when they can be feeling all these emotions and feelings that they are not familiar with, they need us there to love them and hold their hand throughout.

Traditionally, fathers act in a protective, supportive and responsible way towards their children. Involved fathers offer developmentally specific provisions to their sons and daughters throughout the life cycle and are impacted themselves by their doing so. Active father figures may play a role in reducing behavior and psychological problems in young men and women. An increased amount of father–child involvement may help increase a child’s social stability, educational achievement, and their potential to have a solid marriage as an adult.

‘Wow’, the above is some interesting stuff, all of which we need to take serious, if I’ve ever done anything in life, ive always commited to give it my all and be the best I can be at it, I believe that we need to tap into the best version of ourselves and don’t settle for anything less, this will make for a great marriage, great children and a great life!
The importance of a father is so significant to a child’s life and I, like Heather have questioned my own abilities in this role, I’m new to this whole thing and most of the time I find myself making things up as I go along, that’s the joy of fatherhood and I love learning and adapting to become the best father I can be.

I feel like the last hurdle in fatherhood has now been completed, I’ve mastered the art of nappy changing, conquered the feeding duties, been able to settle her and now I can tick another one off the list.

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Last weekend I had sole responsibility of looking after Eivissa for the whole weekend by myself, I’m not going to lie, I was slightly nervous but also excited that our weekend was going to be action packed. Heather left to go on her friends hen weekend and left me to take over the responsibility of parenting.

So I dressed her, packed her bags and off we went on a shopping trip to Birmingham along with uncle jack.

We arrived and took advantage of the mother and baby parking and headed straight to the shops, now, I’m not sure other dads think this, but pushing a pushchair is pretty cool, so cool that jack and I often fought over who should push Eivissa, I think we both thought it would make us look cooler.

We returned home later that night and found out the heating had broke in our house, my attempt at fixing it was scuppered by Eivissa and I gave in to the fact that we were going to have a cold night, off to bed we went armed with extra blankets and a very large selection of snacks for eivissa.

The next day Heather returned to a happy baby and a grateful husband! I enjoyed every second of my time alone with my little girl but I was so thankful for Heathers return, it really made me think how challenging parenting can be and it placed even more value on my wife for the amazing job she does.

To conclude this blog and to answer the question ‘am I a good father? My conclusion is this, I put the needs and wants of my wife and child above my own agenda, they come first in everything I do and I would give anything to make sure that they are happy and healthy, this is my role as husband and father to steer this family ship on our journey of life and hopefully that is good enough!

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One Response to “Am I a good father?”

  1. tee November 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    That was truly very sweet..enjoyed reading it.no doubt u r an amazing father and truly wish u guys all d best in ur life’s journey.

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