Am I a good mother?

11 Apr

Am I a good mother? Every mother at one point probably asks themselves this question. I know, I have. Its crazy that the very thing that nature intended us to be is the very same thing that we question, second guess and always criticise of ourselves. When Danny’s tells me ‘Your such a good mum’, I feel happy inside, proud that I’ve succeeded in what I’ve being called to be.
This area is something us mothers should be praising one another for as we all struggle with the feeling of ‘am i doing this right?’ i don’t understand why some women try to put other mothers down for how they want to raise their children, the constant criticism from other mothers can make you second guess your own actions in fear of how others will see you, this way of doing things can lead to a miserable time of pleasing every one else but yourself, remember Happy mummy, happy baby.

Why? I think to myself do women do this? It doesn’t make sense to scrutinize someone in an area where you are trying to do the best at too, shouldn’t we be lifting each other up and growing and learning together? Do some people feel that by putting people down in an area that they themselves may be struggling in will make themselves feel better? Is it out of their own insecurities they feel the need to belittle other mothers.
As far as I’m concerned there is no perfect formula for raising your child, everyone has an opinion on things and ultimately it’s up to you where to change a nappy, what way you wean your baby or whether you breast feed or not. The answer to good parenting in my mind is, if your baby is happy and healthy, then you are doing a great job, whether you think it or not, the only person your baby wants in the whole world is you!

Since becoming a mum, my outlook on the world has changed somewhat, for the most part, it’s been fab to be on this journey with other women, but I have seen the other side, the side where women put you down for the way you choose to do things or give loaded comments on even the little things such as the brand of baby wipes you choose!
Starting my blog and telling people of my wonderful experiences, preaching positivity and enjoyment of becoming a mum was putting myself out there as a target, I knew that people were watching my every move, waiting for me to slip up. One person told me I shouldn’t have had a baby if I still wanted go out and have a life, I later found out that this woman had a controlling mother, was this woman bringing up her baby how she wanted or how her mother instructed?
Another instance was when Eivissa was 4 weeks old, we went out with a group of friends for my husbands birthday and of course we took Eivissa with us, after a great evening, we left the Italian restaurant and noticed our friends having an argument with a women, it turns out that this women had thought we were terrible parents for bringing our daughter out at night and our friends did the right thing in defending us as parents, a couple of weeks later we were shopping in the evening when we came face to face with the same woman, again, she shouted at us and was angry that we had OUR baby out past 7 o’clock, I couldn’t believe it nor could I understand it, what bothered this woman so much? I was so upset I was shaking! I know I’m a good mother but I found myself justifying that I was. This is not how us women should treat each other.

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At the restaurant with Eivissa

We need to be confident in our own decisions. This can help you have a more enjoyable time, even in those tricky times when your not quite sure what baby wants. I like to think that my way of parenting is perfect for my daughter. Remember every baby is different and whilst getting some advice can be helpful your choice of parenting is down to you, so don’t be afraid to do what you feel best suits you and your baby.

Just this week I saw a women changing her little baby in the back of the car in a supermarket car park, I could hear the baby laughing and I commented on how cute the baby was, immediately the mother defended why she wasn’t changing the little boy in the baby change room, that didn’t cross my mind, the baby didn’t sound distressed, in fact, he sounded very happy, Its sad that she thought that I was judging her.

We shouldn’t care how others view our parenting skills. I was determined to always listen to my instincts and bring my baby up the way I saw best, after all I was the mother and nature itself had decided that I was the best person for the job, I just hope that us mothers can come together and celebrate the different ways of doing things and learn to be an an encouragement to one another.

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11 Responses to “Am I a good mother?”

  1. Glenys Foley April 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    I think it is absolutely fabulous that you felt comfortable to take your baby out at 4 weeks. We always took our children out wherever we went from a very young age. They become really adaptable and easy going if they are not pandered to all the time and if they fit into your lifestyle rather than you changing your lifestyle for them. 🙂 Also they are learning early the culture of your particular family and become comfortable with that from a very young age.
    Well done 🙂

    • heatherfrancesca April 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

      Thanks for the feedback, I’m so glad we have taught her these lessons so early, now she is a social little girl who loves life as much as us!

  2. Karen train April 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm #

    Totally agree with you – we and our babies are all unique – never pay too much attention to what the books and other people say – by all means listen to advice and try it out, but never feel bad if you decide it’s not for you and your family – do listen to your heart and follow your instincts.

    • heatherfrancesca April 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

      Couldn’t agree more Karen, I think it’s great to take in advise but once digested, get rid of the things you don’t want and focus on the things that do work for you!

  3. samantha matthew April 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    Just giggling at the nappy change in the back of the car, wish I’d thought to use the back seat! Today I found myself changing Scarlett on the front passenger seat as she’d had a major explosion (not while driving – I was parked in a carpark waiting for hubby!) There’d have been heaps more space in the back! he he

  4. Kara April 26, 2012 at 9:50 am #

    I couldnt agree more. I have four children and when it comes to parenting I have this opinion. ” You are the perfect parent for your child”. We need to support one another as Mothers not worry about outdoing each other or trying to force our opinions on others as all children are different as we are.
    P.S Evissa is just so adorable!gorgeous gorgeous baby!

  5. Lindsay Harmasch May 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

    Hi heather,
    I really enjoy reading your blog, its fabulous and gives a voice to what many of us think and feel! I hate the thought that other mothers may be judging what I’m doing with my daughter! Sometimes those looks and comments you get can be so upsetting and frustrating. Parenting is all about trusting your instincts and a little trial and error sometimes!

    Much love to you and your family,
    Lindsay x

  6. Emmi March 6, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    Hi Heather (and Danny)! I was surfing randomly and somehow ended up to watch your girl’s birth in youtube and found my way to this blog. I wasn’t sure to leave any comments but then I thought it might be nice for you to know that you being this open and sharing your life and positive thinking really can have big effects for people’s life. I’m 28 woman from Finland and had such a stupid preconceptions as I first saw you in the film coming into hospital in high heels and all. I’ve always been really sarcastic and cynical, like the opposite of positive thinking I have tried to find the negative perspective and then make a dark joke of it. But you know, it is a one way to handle fear and uncertainty but it really doesn’t give you any energy, it doesn’t get you through the miserable moments in life or assist you to enjoy the good times and it certainly doesn’t help to give birth without any medication. Maybe because the way you look and how my preconceptions turned to be totally false, I really was totally impressed of you two and your positive attitude. I just wanted to tell you that you are doing it right. Your little girl has the best parents anyone could hope. And for Danny I wan’t to say you are amazing man to support your wife like that. I was shocked to see you in the birth film being so present, supportive and loving. I’m now determined to change my attitude for more positive and live all that irony for others. I’ll hope all the best for your family in the future.

    • heatherfrancesca March 6, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

      Hi emmi
      Thankyou for sharing this, your right, being cynical and negative only effects you. It’s lovely that you were so honest about your preconceptions of us and makes me happy that you changed your mind. Thankyou for encouraging us and being so nice.
      Have a great day
      Heather xxx

  7. markscdk November 14, 2013 at 2:13 pm #

    You are so right, sometimes we think our personal opinion is absolute truth and that’s just wrong, in Italy they would think you’re crazy if you put your child to bed at 7 pm and they would just laugh at you if they hear you complain that your baby is awake at 5 am “what were you expecting, you put her in bed at 7…” they would say.
    So, well, the woman that was shouting at you at the restaurant should just shut up.
    Cheers
    Magdalen+Travis 23+1

    • heatherfrancesca November 14, 2013 at 3:17 pm #

      Haha! Yeh, I guess it’s the South American in me. It’s the culture to go out with your children. X

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