Losing my brother

1 Mar

I have been wanting to write about a subject that i have personally found difficult to talk about, never mind write about, but I believe in facing your fears and hopefully my experience can help someone.

At the age of 10 I lost my younger brother, Steven, who had an accident at a swimming pool. He was running along the side of the pool, when he slipped and fell in the water, he was immediately rushed to hospital where he was put on a life support machine, after a few days of no response, the doctors told my parents there was nothing they could do and that the life support machine should be turned off.

Those days while he was in hospital I stayed with a friend and I prayed every minute that he would be ok and trusted that god would protect him, I kept strong and didn’t for one minute think anything other than positive thoughts. I remember visiting him in hospital and seeing him lay there with tubes hanging out of him and a mask over his face, I wanted to ask if he was pretending as this was a game we used to play but for some reason didn’t and instead I remember looking at him and feeling such peace, I knew god was going to look after him.

A few days later,the lady I was staying with said we had to go to the hospital, once there I waited in the car whilst she went to see my parents, a short while later, she returned and asked if I wanted to go in? I didn’t really want to but she insisted and reluctantly I followed her in, in the corridor, i saw my cousin crying and I said ‘don’t worry, he’ll be fine’, I was greeted by mum and dad who sat me down and told me that the machine had been turned off and he had passed away.
‘No no no no’ I was saying. how could this be? Immediately I looked for things that I could have done to save him, maybe if I was at the swimming pool I could have stopped it, these thoughts were followed by regrets like the time I told him I would play a game with him but didn’t or the time when i wanted to spend time with him but went to my friends instead, my world came crashing down, the thing i loved more than anything was taken away from me. My beautiful brother Steven Alexander Tindale, aged 7 was gone but truly not forgotten.

Top left: Me, My sister Joy and Steven. Top right: Steven he was such a fun happy boy
Bottom left: Me and My Mum. Bottom right: My Dad and My baby Eivissa

The weeks after his death was such a strange time, even though I was only 10 years old, I felt like a grown up, I understood everything and found my own way of grieving. I avoided his room for weeks, the thought of going in there and seeing all his toys and his things everywhere was too scary to deal with, even the toys around the house that belonged to him, I avoided. Everything that reminded me of that day I wanted to erase, the dolls that I was playing with on the day it happened were packed away and never played with again,

As the years went by, I kept a lot of things bottled up, I never wanted to bring up the subject of Steven in front of mum and dad as I didn’t want to upset them.
Despite what happened I had the best upbringing I could ask for, I have a loving mum and dad and little sister who I adore, I’m so thankful that they remained strong for us and we kept a strong family unit that will never be shaken.

I got to a point in my life where I felt I could deal with things and even though the tragedy will never be forgotten, I felt that I had got to a good place in my mind about the situation, Everything was brought back into light when I had my interview with the production crew of one born every minute, they asked a lot of questions and the subject of my brother was brought up, I remember the producer asking why I had such a positive outlook on life even though I had gone through such a horrible experience, I told her that I’ve always being a very positive person and I like to see the good in everyone and everything, bad things will always happen to good people but the only person it hurts by being negative is yourself. I could have easily taken my circumstance and got angry at god, angry at people and angry at the world but why, why should my life suffer because of my past hurts, I live for now and cherish every breath I have and thank god for my wonderful husband, beautiful daughter and amazing family and friends, this life we live in is so short and I’m determined to make mine count.

When my daughter was born it made me see things through a parents eyes, I love her so much, love that I thought I would never feel, it’s weird how you are willing to die for something that has only been in the world a matter of seconds, I began to truly understand the pain that my parents must have gone through and I have cried a lot recently over my brother and loss my mum and dad must have felt.

I owe a lot of the way I am am down to my mum and dad who have the most positive outlook on life, I never hear them say anything bad about anything, they truly are great role models and amazing people, what they dealt with should never happen to any parent but the way they remained even though the answers as to ‘why’ it happened may never be answered is inspirational and defiantly shaped the way I am.

The message I want to send in this blog is quite simple, bad things will always happen to good people, it’s natural to have emotions and scars that will always be there but we cannot let this define us as people, we have the ability to choose our thoughts and choose how we do life, and my attitude is to do it as well as I can and enjoy every second of it! I choose to not let my past hurts destroy me, rather use them to help others.

This post is in memory of my little brother Steven ‘safely in the arms of God’

5 Responses to “Losing my brother”

  1. Rachel Davy March 1, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    What a lovely post Heather. I used to be in the same class as Steven at Sunday school. Although I didn’t know him very well, I do remember us all singing and praying for him whilst he was in hospital.
    Your outlook on life is inspirational Heather. Thank you for sharing.

  2. pamyfc March 1, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

    Heather, it’s a precious love that you carry and so thankful that you open up the cupboards of your life and heart because its making a massive impact. Love reading your blogs and love you even more (and daniel son & eivissa!) xxx

  3. Joan Doyle March 2, 2012 at 12:49 pm #

    Hi Heather, we as a family will never forget Steven, and the tragedy of what happened. He touched many lives in his passing,at the time I used to go to the baths regularly and the staff used to talk about it, about how Glyn and Doris where at the time and the boys who where on duty at the time used to cry,and blame themselves, they couldn’t understand why Glyn and Doris didn’t blame them.What they did do was use their experience to help other bereaved parents Steven was one of the most good looking boys I ever knew, the photograph doesn’t do him justice. Well done with what you are doing Heather

  4. mumof4lou March 3, 2012 at 11:24 am #

    Truly amazing story of how a Family can overcome tragedy.

  5. Elise March 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    you should real “Heaven Is For Real” by Todd Burpo. an illustration of heaven and how loved ones can’t wait for us get there.

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